Legends of EarthSea: legendary craptastic
Before beginning this entry slash review, I have looked up some synonyms for the word 'crap', because I was sure beforehand I would run out of words to express the lack of quality in this 'new sci-fi series'. It's a perversion!

For those that haven't read the books, this is a quick recap. In book one, Sparrowhawk, a young lad from a farmer's island discovers his lust to learn magic. Abused by his father, he is happy to be taken in by his island's wizard Ogion, who gives him his true name (Ged). But unpatient and eager as he is, he decides (at age 10) to travel to Roke, the island of the wise, to study the art of sorcery. He makes two friends, Jasper and Vetch. Jasper however is constantly putting him down, so one day Sparrowhawk and Jasper agree to a duel. Sparrowhawk then brings an evil shadow in the world, which almost kills him. The shadow flees, and Sparrowhawk has to hunt it down before it can become a destructive force in EarthSea through him.

Book two (of which bits and pieces were also used for this telefilm) tells the tale of Tenar, a girl who is dragged away from her family at the age of four because the priestesses of the Temple of Atuan believe her to be a reincarnation of the High-Priestess who founded the temple. "The Eaten One" is raised very strictly and at 16, learns the secrets of the Tombs of Atuan, which she alone may enter (plus priestesses and eunuchs under her supervision). The Tombs are an unlit labyrinth under the Temple. One day, Ged makes his appearance, and then she has to learn to trust him as she decides what to believe: what he tells her of the world outside, or what she has been taught to believe the past 12 years.




The story of the film: Ged (Shawn Ashmore) and his father don't get along, because Ged is a restless adolescent who cannot wait to leave his home-island. He studies with the village's witch (so far so good), and saves his island from evil Kargai invaders (Kargai invaders?? eh?) who, as it turns out, are looking for him. You see, an evil King from faraway has learned through visions that this wizard named Ged will destroy him. Or something. It wasn't really clear to me. Anyway, Ged conjures up a mist and makes sure the soldiers all fall of a cliff. He is dragged along and Ogion (Danny Glover) descends from his mountain to save Ged from his coma. So as far as the start of his journey goes, it's pretty similar to the story of the book. Except the fact that suddenly 'Sparrowhawk' seems to be his true name. Why they would get a detail like that confused is beyond me. There's no need for it, so why change it? It's like they wanted to rub salt into the wounds of the people who liked the books! The True Names are very important in the books. If you know someone's or something's true name, you have power over it.

Anyway, Ged lives with Ogion for a while, and then leaves for Roke. On the island of the wise he meets Jasper, Vetch and the ArchMagus. The ArchMagus is a cross between Dumbledore and Santa Clause, Jasper is like Draco Malfoy, Vetch (Ged's best friend) has been reduced to a two-dimensional 'funny fat guy', and.. there are girls at the school. It's an all boys school! What is this? HOGWARTS??? (sigh) There's even a shot somewhere with Ged, in the form of a sparrowhawk, flying through the mess hall. It's 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' all over again. ;p

Oh, I forgot. In the meantime Ged has dreams and visions of Kristin Kreuk. I mean, Tenar. Who lives far away in a 'monastery' with lots of nun-like women, of which one (Kossil) has an affair with the evil king. Thar, the High Priestess, is slowly being poisoned by Kossil through a maiden named Rose. Tenar is just 'one of the girls'. The king's army has taken control of much of the area around the Temple, because the evil King wants to get more power or become immortal through the Nameless Ones, who live under the temple in the tombs. Suddenly everyone can walk in and out of the tombs freely. 9_9

At Roke, Ged releases his shadow. There's a nice Amanda Tapping cameo there, before she turns into a graveling straight from Dead Like Me, scars Ged, and whooshes away after being scared off by Santa Clause. I mean the ArchMagus. After Ged has recovered, he is sent away by the ArchMagus because he is making the town unsafe. He must flee from the Shadow, because if it will consume him, it will become more powerful and destructive through him. So essentially, he's kicked out of school. Shortly afterwards, Jasper is seen telling the evil king about Ged's attending the school. The ArchMage is murdered and Jasper is put in place as the new ArchMage. (ridiculous)

In one of the rare moments where the film follows the book, Ged encounters his Shadow, which has now turned into a Gebbeth after it took the form and shape of a boy Ged met on board of the ship to Roke. Ged flees in the shape of a bird, and is saved by Ogion. Who then advises him not to be the hunted, but to become the hunter. He will need to learn the Shadow's name so he can destroy it; and with renewed purpose, Ged seeks out the Gebbeth. He fights with it, it flees. And he ends up on the island where his friend Vetch is the town's wizard. Vetch joins Ged on his quest, and they end up on the isle of Atuan, thanks to the riddles of Orm Umbar. Suddenly the whole purpose of the quest is changed; now the two are looking for the other half of an amulet which will ensure peace for all EarthSea. ("and freedom for all"? (yugh))

At the same time, Rose is getting doubts. She doesn't know she has been poisoning her High Priestess but begins to suspect something. So, she is killed by Kossil, who then makes it look like suicide. She even leaves a note implicating Tenar, who just got 'nominated' to succeed Thar as High Priestess! (gasp) Ofcourse, Thar has Tenar locked up. She discovers Kossil's treachery just before she dies. (nice timing). Tenar is in a prison in the Tombs. Ged and Vetch arrive there as well, in order to find the other half of that amulet. Ged is caught and locked up.

Vetch in the meantime (who in the books NEVER went to Atuan ;p but oh well, these tombs are now a free for all) discovers the Gebbeth, and is consumed by it. Geez!!! So after Ged and Tenar have met, have gotten out of prison, Tenar has discovered her High Priestess has passed away and Ged has taken a set of keys (one of which contains the other half of the amulet, but that is the 'big surprise ending'), Ged first has a face-off with the Gebbeth in the form of his best friend. It's not like anyone actually cares about this friendship or what has happened with Vetch, but, sure. Very emotional moment there. Well, Ged tells the Gebbeth what its name is, and it dissolves. It's his Shadow- it's his dark side. So naturally his name is Ge-- er, Sparrowhawk. ;p

Ah. And then there's a weird 'bladieblah I'll kill your friend Tenar' thing with the king, who wants Tenar to release the Nameless Ones from their prison (they were never imprisoned!). She does so, and after everyone has gone "Raiders of the Lost Ark" Tenar and Ged reassemble the Amulet. Peace at last! (in other words: the end of my pain, the end of the movie. ;) )

So. A recap. The bad:
- REALLY bad acting (especially the ArchMagus)
- REALLY bad SFX - this reminded me a bit of "Xena, Warrior Princess". But that show was well written, and had the actors that this piece of garbage lacked.
- white actors playing black characters
- a king who is suddenly like, THE threat to EarthSea, while he doesn't do *anything* in the books except being named once in book 2
- cliche situations ("do it, and your little girlfriend dies!") and characters (Vetch suddenly is nothing more than the 'funny fat guy')
- how the really scary tombs of Atuan became reasonably well-lit ;p
- raping the settings and situations in the book to transform them into a 'typical American movie'
- the added American *coughteiltjecough* values

The good:
- Kristin Kreuk ;p
- the fact that the unbelievable shiteness of the films actually distracts from the fact that the characters were supposed to look different

It's really unbelievable, the way how the scriptwriter and director messed this one up. The books were FINE all by themselves, storywise. I do not believe things should have been changed the way they did to make a good film, it was just not necessary to remove storylines and add subplots that came TOTALLY out of nowhere.

I don't say it lightly, but MAN this sucked! I tried to watch it as if I hadn't read the books, and still it was bad. Gods. But after that it was glorious to read Ursula K. LeGuin's response to the film version:

"Earthsea"
"Miss Le Guin was not involved in the development of the material or the making of the film, but we've been very, very honest to the books," explains director Rob Lieberman. "We've tried to capture all the levels of spiritualism, emotional content and metaphorical messages. Throughout the whole piece, I saw it as having a great duality of spirituality versus paganism and wizardry, male and female duality. The final moments of the film culminate in the union of all that and represent two different belief systems in this world, and that's what Ursula intended to make a statement about. The only thing that saves this Earthsea universe is the union of those two beliefs."

Sci Fi Magazine
December 2004

I've tried very hard to keep from saying anything at all about this production, being well aware that movies must differ in many ways from the books they're based on, and feeling that I really had no business talking about it, since I was not included in planning it and was given no part in discussions or decisions.

That makes it particularly galling of the director to put words in my mouth.

Mr Lieberman has every right to say what his intentions were in making the film he directed, called "Earthsea." He has no right at all to state what I intended in writing the Earthsea books.

Had "Miss Le Guin" been honestly asked to be involved in the planning of the film, she might have discussed with the film-makers what the books are about.

When I tried to suggest the unwisdom of making radical changes to characters, events, and relationships which have been familiar to hundreds of thousands of readers all over the world for over thirty years, I was sent a copy of the script and informed that production was already under way.

So, for the record: there is no statement in the books, nor did I ever intend to make a statement, about "the union of two belief systems." There's nothing at all about the "duality of spirituality and paganism," whatever that means, either.

Earlier in the article, Robert Halmi is quoted as saying that Earthsea "has people who believe and people who do not believe." I can only admire Mr Halmi's imagination, but I wish he'd left mine alone.

In the books, the wizardry of the Archipelago and the ritualism of the Kargs are opposed and united, like the yang and yin. The rejoining of the broken arm-ring is a symbol of the restoration of an unresting, active balance, offering a risky chance of peace.

This has absolutely nothing to do with "people who believe and people who do not believe." That terrible division into Believers and Unbelievers (itself a matter not of reason but of belief) is one which bedevils Christianity and Islam and drives their wars.

But the wizards of Earthsea would look on such wars as madness, and the dragons of Earthsea would laugh at them and fly away...

Toto, something tells me Earthsea isn't Iraq.

I wonder if the people who made the film of The Lord of the Rings had ended it with Frodo putting on the Ring and ruling happily ever after, and then claimed that that was what Tolkien "intended..." would people think they'd been "very, very honest to the books"?

Ursula K. Le Guin
13 December 2004

By the way, those on my friendslist who are interested in seeing it (either to punish someone, to be masochistic or to challenge my opinion), just ask me privately.